It's raining in Miami tonight, as it has done for the past 25 days of June. No, that's a lie. There was actually one day (while I was on vacation) when it did NOT, I repeat, did NOT rain in the MIA. Does this mean that I'm gloomy, under the weather, walking about with dampened spirits? No, it does not! Although the last 4 inches of my jeans may be moist every day, and I may sometimes have to wade barefoot through puddles 4 inches deep to get to my car after work, I am reaching equilibrium.
No longer does Mariah Carey blast continuously from my speakers (just occasionally). Willie Nelson and Patty Griffin, in the spirit of summer living, have taken her place. Oh Willie, why did you have to play a part in "Dukes of Hazzard?" That's just wrong. My country hero and Jessica Simpson on the same screen? No. No. Anyway, back to the real stuff...
Tonight, I dropped Dave off at FLL for a quick trip "home." It's easier making the drive knowing that I'll see him on Thursday [grin]. It's a Sunday, and usually this would mean a cloud, metaphorical instead of meteorological, settles over 266 as the teachers make preparations for another long, gruelling week at school. But oh, not so, not so! I only teach 3 days this week, then get paid to go to 1. a water park, and 2. a film production and processing studio with 35 good-natured high school students. I [heart] my job. I mean, I really [heart] my job.
Earlier this evening, thinking about my decision to work over the summer, I realized that I can now finally say that yes, it was a good idea. Working with the Gear-Up kids is so refreshing; someone ELSE is ultimately responsible for their behavior, they are interested in the material (except maybe for my ESOL class), they are cute, funny, and some of them are surprisingly intelligent. I go to work, watch movies, talk about movies, then drive home. Some nights, I watch a movie to prepare for class, and jot down some lesson plans. Are you KIDDING?!!? Yes, this is my job. See, teaching doesn't have to be cutthroat, backstabbing, brutal, tedious, antagonistic, and futile!
Professionally, I'm doing well.
Personally, I'm doing fantastic. Even though I miss my few friends who are gallavanting around the world in other hemispheres, I enjoy the MIA crowd who is sticking around for the summertime. My cat, still slightly insane, is here, as is another resident in Apt. 2: David Dickinson Henry. This is a phenomenon of much delight and amazement. We just returned from 9 fun-and-sun-filled days in St. John, USVI where there was much cooking, much snorkeling, and many many many mosquito bites (post to follow, hopefully)
The weather on vacation was perfectly idyllic, and I returned ridiculously tanned and blonde...to a very, very rainy Miami. FIU threatened to dampen my sunshiny attitude during summer finals/midterms, but together the TFA contingent perservered, and that's done with for a while. Work started up in whirl, and although I still haven't unpacked, I at least have clean laundry. Went to see the Cristo and Jeanne-Claude exhibit at the Bass Museum and renewed my love for Art-Deco architecture, so now I feel firmly back at home and grounded.
OOOOH! And, I finally got around to seeing Batman Begins, yayayayyayayayayyayayyayayay. Thanks for that. I was literally jumping up and down upon exiting the theater following the film. So good, so good. So tightly put together, there was hardly room for mistakes. Now the only question is what does Christopher Nolan do *next*.
Whew, on that note, I think I'd better shower and figure out how to make my kids think that "Batman Returns" isn't outdated =).
If, on a winter's night a traveler outside the town of Malbork, leaning from a steep slope without fear of wind or vertigo, looks down into the gathering shadow...on the carpet of leaves illuminated by the moon around an empty grave, what story there awaits its end? -italo calvino
Sunday, June 26, 2005
Tuesday, May 24, 2005
The Soundtrack to My Life
There is something not right, I said to my roomate, when I want to listen to Mariah Carey all the time. Sunday afternoon, on my way home from a run, I had her new song in my head (as it has been for the past two weeks), and it's just so damn catchy. Perhaps I'll have to turn it on now, and give Shakira a break...
...There, that's better. Completey irrelevant to my current romantic situation (no, I have not lost someone), but oh, Mariah, how you draw me in. The one line in particular which I sang over and over again while washing dishes
Tryin' to keep it together, but I'm fallin' apart.
All out of my element, throwin' things, cryin,'
tryin' to figure out where the hell I went wrong...
Sigh, let's all have a moment for "tryin' to keep it together."
I'm so close to the end that I can taste it, but in that interim, shit is gonna go down. We just got [what I consider] a shitty grade on a presentation for one of our grad classes, and the disjunction between what I am currently studying and what I want to be studying is now presented before me in that much starker relief. Oh, for a film class! Oh, for a literature class! Oh, for a theory class! Oh heart, heart! O bleeding drops of red! Shit, I didn't write that, did I?
I miss the abstract, the theoretical, the second-hand, the altered, adulterated, the already-interpreted. I hate "best methods" presentations which rely on diagrams and posters. Booooooooooooooo. Note frustration expressed by repetition of multiple "o's." Return me to my Ivory Tower, O Princes of Philology! I think they're going to kick me out for good. Can I have an Ivory pedestal to sit on? A small Ivory Country Cottage?
I miss archaisms, the Romantics and their fucked-up ideals, Jane with her seemingly well-intentioned cultural critique, and Umberto with his Ego (yes, that's a Capital E.).
Maybe it's the antique fair that I went to on Sunday, maybe it's me re-reading selected quotes from Quijote and the Pendulum, maybe it's thinking about learning Italian all the time in my TESOL class, but for some reason or another I am having a longing for all things old, all things nostalgic, all things far from my present state of being. My students, and I believe ninth graders in general, do not have an appreciation for the richness, subtleties, hypocrisies, and palimpsests of history.
I suppose I shouldn't get mad at them, and just give them a chance to "grow up" but it's so hard.
Damn, how did it get to be this late!?! Every night, the same. O, for eight hours of Sleep. Yes, that's a capital S. The Shins complete the Soundtrack to My Life for now.
I'm trying hard not to give in,
battened down to fair the wind.
Read my head, at least pretend
Allow myself no mock defense
...There, that's better. Completey irrelevant to my current romantic situation (no, I have not lost someone), but oh, Mariah, how you draw me in. The one line in particular which I sang over and over again while washing dishes
Tryin' to keep it together, but I'm fallin' apart.
All out of my element, throwin' things, cryin,'
tryin' to figure out where the hell I went wrong...
Sigh, let's all have a moment for "tryin' to keep it together."
I'm so close to the end that I can taste it, but in that interim, shit is gonna go down. We just got [what I consider] a shitty grade on a presentation for one of our grad classes, and the disjunction between what I am currently studying and what I want to be studying is now presented before me in that much starker relief. Oh, for a film class! Oh, for a literature class! Oh, for a theory class! Oh heart, heart! O bleeding drops of red! Shit, I didn't write that, did I?
I miss the abstract, the theoretical, the second-hand, the altered, adulterated, the already-interpreted. I hate "best methods" presentations which rely on diagrams and posters. Booooooooooooooo. Note frustration expressed by repetition of multiple "o's." Return me to my Ivory Tower, O Princes of Philology! I think they're going to kick me out for good. Can I have an Ivory pedestal to sit on? A small Ivory Country Cottage?
I miss archaisms, the Romantics and their fucked-up ideals, Jane with her seemingly well-intentioned cultural critique, and Umberto with his Ego (yes, that's a Capital E.).
Maybe it's the antique fair that I went to on Sunday, maybe it's me re-reading selected quotes from Quijote and the Pendulum, maybe it's thinking about learning Italian all the time in my TESOL class, but for some reason or another I am having a longing for all things old, all things nostalgic, all things far from my present state of being. My students, and I believe ninth graders in general, do not have an appreciation for the richness, subtleties, hypocrisies, and palimpsests of history.
I suppose I shouldn't get mad at them, and just give them a chance to "grow up" but it's so hard.
Damn, how did it get to be this late!?! Every night, the same. O, for eight hours of Sleep. Yes, that's a capital S. The Shins complete the Soundtrack to My Life for now.
I'm trying hard not to give in,
battened down to fair the wind.
Read my head, at least pretend
Allow myself no mock defense
Saturday, May 21, 2005
Apples and Oranges
In the world of figurative language, there exists the time honored and tired simile of "it's like apples and oranges." In the past few weeks, some stark contrasts in life have been illuminated for me, and it's gotten me thinking in dichotomies, ratios, and contrasts.
Wednesday, one and one half weeks ago, I set of for Philadelphia, for my last visit to Haverford College this year. I hung out, read books, slept in, ate in cafeterias for a few days and divine resaturants for a few more; generally speaking, I forgot all about life in Miami. People drove like sane persons, there was actually a "downtown," nobody spoke Spanish (except for my professors, but then again, I hardly speak Spanish any more so what's the big deal?), and nobody called me "Ms. Williamson." That's the apples.
Now the oranges. None of my friends were there, it wasn't my Haverford, few people really understood what my life has been like this past year, and it definitely didn't feel like home. No cat, no real shower (oh, right, we didn't have one in my REAL home either, so it was fine. Not.), no comfortable bed.
But Dave was there (apples), along with his extended family, whom I was genuinely glad to finally meet. They took us out all over the town: brunch at Bleu, dinner at Taquet with salmon tartare and divine orange roughy; molten chocolate cake TWICE (once with gold leaf. swoon.); Valrhona gelato at Savona, white chocolate and earl grey mousse; amouse bouche, amouse dessert; champagne and bubbly conversation.
Life in Philadelphia, with its chilly skylines and One Liberty Place, is apples and oranges. It is familiar and strange, and old friend and new possibilities, dinner at a long-anticipated restaurant, but not with my friends, with a new one of Dave's.
There are apples, there are oranges, and then there are mangoes. Right now, I'm living the mango. I mean, with apples and oranges, you've got at least a couple of things going for you: they're readily available in the grocery store, have radial symmetry, and are often eaten in segments. With mangoes, you're pretty much stretching it. Oranges and mangoes have a lot of vitamin C? That's stretching the comparison pretty thin.
It stretches even thinner, because right now the mango is rotten. It's waaaay past ripe, and it's pretty putrid. My mango returned with a debacle of an airport pickup which involved me leaving my cell phone in the restroom, exiting security, pleading with TSA to let me back in, then being stuck on two different airport levels running around like a frantic hen trying to find Virginia, who was only 12 feet below me, through 6 feet of concrete and steel roadway.
From there, life pretty much as beat the shit out of me until this afternoon, in various fashions. Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday, I left my house at 6:45 am and did not return until 9:30 pm from class at FIU. We had a group presentation on Thursday, some state visit at Central one day, and much to my chagrin I'm still not even REGISTERED for my Wednesday class yet (see very bellicose post of last week). My mother is worried about me living in sin with my "friend" DDH at the family reunion this summer, and as much as admitted this on the phone while pestering me about trip logistics for July. Are you insane? I can barely make it to Saturday, let alone an entire other season of the year. Our shower broke, turning into a pathetic trickle, nicely mimicking the way my brain felt like it was flowing out of my ears as the week went on. Then, the lake from our air conditioning unit reappeared in the kitchen, flooding everything, AND we heard that our slum landlords are going to raise the rent $200 next year. This brings us to roughly Wednesday. Shower is finally fixed circa Thursday afternoon, and by then I'm done. I'm pissed, I'm tired, and I haven't been planning for school.
Friday rushes by in a whir, Prom after school (and an awful dinner at a lame ass restaurant), but even that couldn't be just normal. For some reason, when I went to get gas, I picked up a pen on my dashboard without thinking. Said pen had exploded in the nuclear heat of Miami midday, leaving huge, dark purple splotches all over my hands. They are still there. "Hi, kids, this is your freakish teahcher. She has some odd sort of tropical disease."
Then, after a relatively stress-free Friday, I woke up at 7:00 this morning to drive an HOUR to motherfucking Broward County for our Saturday class. I didn't believe Mary and the rest of the TFA contingent when they said he was the worst professor ever. Is should have known better. The man threw a small object at a student because he was talking in class...about educational theory. He asked Amanda "Do we need to move your seat?" because she and Mary were being a little chatty BEFORE CLASS STARTED. He is the rudest, most idiotic man alive, and he's a horrible teacher. Did I mention three FIU students offered to buy him a gift today? Right. What is this universe I live in, because clearly it's not normal. Oh, right, and I'm probably going to fail his class because I have to miss two lectures for a family function.
I spent 10 minutes after class crying in the FIU restroom. Low point of the weekend, most likely. Life is very angry at me right now. Virtually pelting me with rotten mangoes.
So I ran off to Aventura, the land of artificial perfection and stadium-seating movie theaters, to have some sushi and a large glass of plum wine before StarWars Episode III (I swear it was after noon before I started drinking). George, ye hath redeemed thyself for thy sins of Episode I and II. Yet, after the delicious escapism of alcohol and movie popcorn, I returned to my life at Design Place, and my mildew-flavored, ant-infested kitchen.
dPlace really is a special establishment, emblematized by this delightful vignette: they think that by painting decorative stripes on the gym walls, it will make the 5 broken workout machines function better. Hey, guess what, they still don't work. I know, because on my way over there this evening to check it out, I stepped in a huge pile of dogshit, c/o my happy neighbors.
This is beyond apples and oranges, this is beyond fruit. It has got to be something in the cosmos; some starry pattern has misaligned, and I am suffering the wrath of the Force.
But as Jedi Master Yoda might say, "Helpful it is not, to dwell in the dark side." So I made a huge batch of summer happiness in a pitcher (gazpacho a la Carmen), and fixed a large glass of liquid joy (tinto de verano), and here I sit, merrily typing away. There's a movie on the docket tonight, and I think our soup might be just about chilled, so I'm going to try and get back to what is left of my life.
I can't *wait* to see what the Citrus State has in store for me next week. I don't think my life could get any harder.
Wednesday, one and one half weeks ago, I set of for Philadelphia, for my last visit to Haverford College this year. I hung out, read books, slept in, ate in cafeterias for a few days and divine resaturants for a few more; generally speaking, I forgot all about life in Miami. People drove like sane persons, there was actually a "downtown," nobody spoke Spanish (except for my professors, but then again, I hardly speak Spanish any more so what's the big deal?), and nobody called me "Ms. Williamson." That's the apples.
Now the oranges. None of my friends were there, it wasn't my Haverford, few people really understood what my life has been like this past year, and it definitely didn't feel like home. No cat, no real shower (oh, right, we didn't have one in my REAL home either, so it was fine. Not.), no comfortable bed.
But Dave was there (apples), along with his extended family, whom I was genuinely glad to finally meet. They took us out all over the town: brunch at Bleu, dinner at Taquet with salmon tartare and divine orange roughy; molten chocolate cake TWICE (once with gold leaf. swoon.); Valrhona gelato at Savona, white chocolate and earl grey mousse; amouse bouche, amouse dessert; champagne and bubbly conversation.
Life in Philadelphia, with its chilly skylines and One Liberty Place, is apples and oranges. It is familiar and strange, and old friend and new possibilities, dinner at a long-anticipated restaurant, but not with my friends, with a new one of Dave's.
There are apples, there are oranges, and then there are mangoes. Right now, I'm living the mango. I mean, with apples and oranges, you've got at least a couple of things going for you: they're readily available in the grocery store, have radial symmetry, and are often eaten in segments. With mangoes, you're pretty much stretching it. Oranges and mangoes have a lot of vitamin C? That's stretching the comparison pretty thin.
It stretches even thinner, because right now the mango is rotten. It's waaaay past ripe, and it's pretty putrid. My mango returned with a debacle of an airport pickup which involved me leaving my cell phone in the restroom, exiting security, pleading with TSA to let me back in, then being stuck on two different airport levels running around like a frantic hen trying to find Virginia, who was only 12 feet below me, through 6 feet of concrete and steel roadway.
From there, life pretty much as beat the shit out of me until this afternoon, in various fashions. Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday, I left my house at 6:45 am and did not return until 9:30 pm from class at FIU. We had a group presentation on Thursday, some state visit at Central one day, and much to my chagrin I'm still not even REGISTERED for my Wednesday class yet (see very bellicose post of last week). My mother is worried about me living in sin with my "friend" DDH at the family reunion this summer, and as much as admitted this on the phone while pestering me about trip logistics for July. Are you insane? I can barely make it to Saturday, let alone an entire other season of the year. Our shower broke, turning into a pathetic trickle, nicely mimicking the way my brain felt like it was flowing out of my ears as the week went on. Then, the lake from our air conditioning unit reappeared in the kitchen, flooding everything, AND we heard that our slum landlords are going to raise the rent $200 next year. This brings us to roughly Wednesday. Shower is finally fixed circa Thursday afternoon, and by then I'm done. I'm pissed, I'm tired, and I haven't been planning for school.
Friday rushes by in a whir, Prom after school (and an awful dinner at a lame ass restaurant), but even that couldn't be just normal. For some reason, when I went to get gas, I picked up a pen on my dashboard without thinking. Said pen had exploded in the nuclear heat of Miami midday, leaving huge, dark purple splotches all over my hands. They are still there. "Hi, kids, this is your freakish teahcher. She has some odd sort of tropical disease."
Then, after a relatively stress-free Friday, I woke up at 7:00 this morning to drive an HOUR to motherfucking Broward County for our Saturday class. I didn't believe Mary and the rest of the TFA contingent when they said he was the worst professor ever. Is should have known better. The man threw a small object at a student because he was talking in class...about educational theory. He asked Amanda "Do we need to move your seat?" because she and Mary were being a little chatty BEFORE CLASS STARTED. He is the rudest, most idiotic man alive, and he's a horrible teacher. Did I mention three FIU students offered to buy him a gift today? Right. What is this universe I live in, because clearly it's not normal. Oh, right, and I'm probably going to fail his class because I have to miss two lectures for a family function.
I spent 10 minutes after class crying in the FIU restroom. Low point of the weekend, most likely. Life is very angry at me right now. Virtually pelting me with rotten mangoes.
So I ran off to Aventura, the land of artificial perfection and stadium-seating movie theaters, to have some sushi and a large glass of plum wine before StarWars Episode III (I swear it was after noon before I started drinking). George, ye hath redeemed thyself for thy sins of Episode I and II. Yet, after the delicious escapism of alcohol and movie popcorn, I returned to my life at Design Place, and my mildew-flavored, ant-infested kitchen.
dPlace really is a special establishment, emblematized by this delightful vignette: they think that by painting decorative stripes on the gym walls, it will make the 5 broken workout machines function better. Hey, guess what, they still don't work. I know, because on my way over there this evening to check it out, I stepped in a huge pile of dogshit, c/o my happy neighbors.
This is beyond apples and oranges, this is beyond fruit. It has got to be something in the cosmos; some starry pattern has misaligned, and I am suffering the wrath of the Force.
But as Jedi Master Yoda might say, "Helpful it is not, to dwell in the dark side." So I made a huge batch of summer happiness in a pitcher (gazpacho a la Carmen), and fixed a large glass of liquid joy (tinto de verano), and here I sit, merrily typing away. There's a movie on the docket tonight, and I think our soup might be just about chilled, so I'm going to try and get back to what is left of my life.
I can't *wait* to see what the Citrus State has in store for me next week. I don't think my life could get any harder.
Wednesday, May 18, 2005
afsadfasdgDG
fuck you, FIU. Fuck you and your little administration too!
fufufufufufufuufufuck you!
14 hour days as a teacher are not acceptable. i have not eaten a normal meal since Saturday night. i have not slept a normal amount since Friday. am angry, tired, and very, very bitter.
i can't take this schedule much longer before i self destruct. when is summer? please, when?
fufufufufufufuufufuck you!
14 hour days as a teacher are not acceptable. i have not eaten a normal meal since Saturday night. i have not slept a normal amount since Friday. am angry, tired, and very, very bitter.
i can't take this schedule much longer before i self destruct. when is summer? please, when?
Sunday, May 01, 2005
May: the Month
I've bought my plane tickets to various places, I have a dress to wear to 3 out of 4 special occasions, I've paid my rent, cable internet, and power bill, registered for my last standardized test, nearly been accepted to FIU, and have painted my nails red. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I believe I'm ready for May.
It feels a bit like summer around here in Miami, and not just because of the weather. Miraculously, it has stayed around 77 degrees for the past 2 months, confounding my sense of the passage of time, but thoroughly delighting my senses. Without grad school papers and work to do the past week, I've felt a bit like I'm playing hookie. I had a day "off" last week for another Read 180 training, which felt deliciously illicit, and on Tuesday I get to take a day off to go observe classes at a private school in Coral Gables. I feel like a bit of a sham, even though things in English class are sailing along smoothly, and the kids are tearing through the Odyssey.
This past week, what with progress reports and my life just beginning to get back in order, was supposed to be rough. Fortunately, it wasn't.
There has been a good deal of retrospective self-analysis running around Design Place among TFA members of both the '03 and '04 corps. It's so true that you can't even begin to analyze an event/emotion/person/place without some sort of distance, be it spacial, temporal, or emotional space. All of a sudden, life has slowed down to a manageable pace; perhaps it's because some of my responsibilities have loosened their hold on my schedule. As soon as my mind is given a little free rein to do its own thing, I of course start thinking about one of my favorite topics: Myself!
I have decided, along with some other sagacious TFA-ers, that I've been through the same sort of emotional rollercoaster that we experienced during Institute, only on a larger scale. There was the inital trepidation, the abstract knowledge of "it's going to be hard," confronting reality, being pissed of and frightened at reality, and then a sort of scrambling to get things done, ending in a final sense of relative calm/accomplishment. I feel "okay" with my life right now, which is, professionally, quite a goddamn feat.
True, there are nearly 7 weeks of school left, but May is chock-full of activity for my personal and itinerant life. I was so scared of April, with no Dave, no days off, and no hope of school ending. Then, all of a sudden, April ended.
It ended not in grand style, but with a stylish flair. Not bad, all told. Considering the sad Thursday occurrence when the most evilest man on the planet stole the O.C. from the airwaves with his bullshit about "Fixing Social Security!" Whatever. Boo. There were other good things this week (Ashley and I watched 16 Candles instead. I felt very weepy and romantic.) I finished a book for FUN (gasp! shock! scandal!) yesterday, and managed to find time all last week to work out. Not getting exercise just makes me a little batty, so exam week was even more stressful because of that factor. It's nice to be able to sit around on a Friday night and just chat with people to wind down from the work week. It's even nicer to go to Uva and sip pinot noir with flourless chocolate cake after a healthy dinner of eggdrop soup for my under-the-weather roommate. Then, it's even nicer still to get all of my errands (okay, well, most) done early on Saturday morning, lay out by the pool and read, then top off the day with a shopping expedition in the Grove.
As I mentioned to Dave, this weekend I did all the things that make me unwind tangled thoughts, the things that are comfortable, familiar: I read a LOT, I cooked good meals with quality food (yay for finding an Asian market in Miami! Who knew there were Asians in South Florida?), I bought a pair of shoes, I cleaned my room, and I cleaned up the car.
I slept in on Sunday, bought the New York Times and immersed myself in Spring news and style while eating pancakes and drinking my Starbucks Latte, then cleaned house with Mary, got yelled at for washing my car at DPlace (irritating inconvenience number 131a of this month), and then read some more. It's lovely, I did NOTHING this weekend! How liberating.
One of these days I'm actually going to make it to the beach, the Bass Museum, and other cultural sights. For now, I'm okay with taking mental health weekend, recharging my brain on quality (and grade B) literature, and starting to think again. Gotta get my rest in now, 'cause May is going to be nuts.
It feels a bit like summer around here in Miami, and not just because of the weather. Miraculously, it has stayed around 77 degrees for the past 2 months, confounding my sense of the passage of time, but thoroughly delighting my senses. Without grad school papers and work to do the past week, I've felt a bit like I'm playing hookie. I had a day "off" last week for another Read 180 training, which felt deliciously illicit, and on Tuesday I get to take a day off to go observe classes at a private school in Coral Gables. I feel like a bit of a sham, even though things in English class are sailing along smoothly, and the kids are tearing through the Odyssey.
This past week, what with progress reports and my life just beginning to get back in order, was supposed to be rough. Fortunately, it wasn't.
There has been a good deal of retrospective self-analysis running around Design Place among TFA members of both the '03 and '04 corps. It's so true that you can't even begin to analyze an event/emotion/person/place without some sort of distance, be it spacial, temporal, or emotional space. All of a sudden, life has slowed down to a manageable pace; perhaps it's because some of my responsibilities have loosened their hold on my schedule. As soon as my mind is given a little free rein to do its own thing, I of course start thinking about one of my favorite topics: Myself!
I have decided, along with some other sagacious TFA-ers, that I've been through the same sort of emotional rollercoaster that we experienced during Institute, only on a larger scale. There was the inital trepidation, the abstract knowledge of "it's going to be hard," confronting reality, being pissed of and frightened at reality, and then a sort of scrambling to get things done, ending in a final sense of relative calm/accomplishment. I feel "okay" with my life right now, which is, professionally, quite a goddamn feat.
True, there are nearly 7 weeks of school left, but May is chock-full of activity for my personal and itinerant life. I was so scared of April, with no Dave, no days off, and no hope of school ending. Then, all of a sudden, April ended.
It ended not in grand style, but with a stylish flair. Not bad, all told. Considering the sad Thursday occurrence when the most evilest man on the planet stole the O.C. from the airwaves with his bullshit about "Fixing Social Security!" Whatever. Boo. There were other good things this week (Ashley and I watched 16 Candles instead. I felt very weepy and romantic.) I finished a book for FUN (gasp! shock! scandal!) yesterday, and managed to find time all last week to work out. Not getting exercise just makes me a little batty, so exam week was even more stressful because of that factor. It's nice to be able to sit around on a Friday night and just chat with people to wind down from the work week. It's even nicer to go to Uva and sip pinot noir with flourless chocolate cake after a healthy dinner of eggdrop soup for my under-the-weather roommate. Then, it's even nicer still to get all of my errands (okay, well, most) done early on Saturday morning, lay out by the pool and read, then top off the day with a shopping expedition in the Grove.
As I mentioned to Dave, this weekend I did all the things that make me unwind tangled thoughts, the things that are comfortable, familiar: I read a LOT, I cooked good meals with quality food (yay for finding an Asian market in Miami! Who knew there were Asians in South Florida?), I bought a pair of shoes, I cleaned my room, and I cleaned up the car.
I slept in on Sunday, bought the New York Times and immersed myself in Spring news and style while eating pancakes and drinking my Starbucks Latte, then cleaned house with Mary, got yelled at for washing my car at DPlace (irritating inconvenience number 131a of this month), and then read some more. It's lovely, I did NOTHING this weekend! How liberating.
One of these days I'm actually going to make it to the beach, the Bass Museum, and other cultural sights. For now, I'm okay with taking mental health weekend, recharging my brain on quality (and grade B) literature, and starting to think again. Gotta get my rest in now, 'cause May is going to be nuts.
Friday, April 22, 2005
Juvenile "Justice"
So it's been pretty much the longest week of my life, near equal to stress and anxiety levels around this time last year during the thesis. I guess I should just thank my lucky stars that I don't have hives...yet. I'm so tired of pretending to be an adult lately, when everyone else seems to be able to act like a child. Whining probably isn't the most productive activity, but this is electronic communication, so in some way that makes it okay. Right? Whatever. Somebody told me when I signed up for this experience that I was "tough as nails," and recently I've heard that I'm "resilient" and "strong," but pulling up to MCHS this afternoon from the courthouse I realized that I'm fucking tired of trying to juggle all of my responsibilities, and I just don't have it in me to be the stoic. I'm tired, it's not me, and it doesn't really even work that well.
I'm a bit in awe that it's finally Thursday night, and that we have our teacher workday tomorrow. Honestly, on Monday I really wasn't sure how I was going to make it to Friday; on Wednesday night (was that really yesterday) while driving home from FIU after a 4 hour presentation, I couldn't remember the day before. There are still things left to do, but I've reached my point of not caring.
I'm over that stupid place, and just want to finally be enrolled in the program so that we can start negotiating. They desperately need people in the Urban Master's school, and if they're not all of a sudden super fucking nice to me, I'm going to tell everyone from the '05 Corps exactly how we've been treated: with patronizing condescention, broken promises, rude administration, unflexible and inconvenient schedules, and overpriced tuition. Yeah, that should get the enrollment you need, you bastards.
Finals week is hell normally, and when you haven't got a car, have to commute 1.5 hours to class, and work a 60 hour a week job at the same time, that doesn't make it any easier. I was in Broward County at 10:45 on Tuesday night, got up at the usual 5:30 to go to work all day Wednesday, sit through a ridiculously childish faculty meeting with some confrontational angry bitch who marched in and told everybody that we had to change our curriculum for a BLACK URBAN SCHOOL to include a UNIT on the Holocaust before the end of the year because black kids need to learn about racial persecution. Excuse me? What didn't help was when the "adult" teachers started catfighting with her and she showed us a clip of that god-awful HBO documentary with Kenneth Branaugh and Colin Firth as an "exemplary lesson" for our students. She "knew" they'd identify with that. Could we be a little further out of touch with reality?
Mary and I then drove to FIU, missed getting my car by 15 minutes because 826 was a parking lot, and then sat in a room from 7:00 pm to 11:30 listening to TESOL education presentations. They weren't bad, but the class has been all semester, and I'm sorry if 4.5 hours of sleep isn't *quite* enough to get me through an 8 hour teaching day with 90 students. Did I mention that both residents of apt. 2 have lost their voices? Yeah. Fun to tell kids to stop running out of the hallway and calling each other "dirty haitians" with no voice.
Then, in the midst of trying to orchestrate another logistical feat to somehow, someway get me down to SW Miami and pick up my car (pay and arm and a leg for my car) , and be able to transport myself again in the city of traffic jams and inept drivers ASIDE: I was informed by my sagacious roommate that the Florida legislature recently passed a law requiring slower-moving traffic to move to the right hand lanes on interstate highways. Are you *kidding*? And people wonder why nothing gets accomplished in the government around here. It's because they don't have time to spend on trivial issues like education and election fraud, when they're so busy taking care of keeping our roadways safe., when I had to pack up and head off to my depostion at the Juvenile Justice Center.
If ever I thought that there was some sort of cosmic order, and that karma evened out things in life, this week as most thoroughly disabused me of that idea.
I'm really to exhaused to get into it, and it's probably not safe for me to say anything in even a quasi-public forum, but let it suffice to say that I find it disconcerting that school employees can give partially falsified statements to court officials, and that I find it *very* hard to believe (as apparently, MY testimony was hard to belive) that "nice, respectful girls" 1. attack teachers, 2. hang around teachers' rooms whom they have attacked after they have been expelled from school, or 3. say blatantly untrue things like "my teacher hit me" when security drags them into the police officer's room for the first time. Maybe it's just my skewed perspective on things, and I should be a little more open to "alternate views" of Februrary 5th. Please excuse my cynicism.
So now do I not only think that my school administration, security, and half the faculty is out to get me fired, but hey, there's not a goddamnn thing I can do about it because the justice system is fucked too. It's like some kid told a rumor, and because she's the cool one at school, everyone believes her instead.
I can be mean, I can be hurtful, and I can assume things without enough background information, but I take quite a bit of pride in the fact that I don't lie. Maybe that's just a childish thought.
I'm a bit in awe that it's finally Thursday night, and that we have our teacher workday tomorrow. Honestly, on Monday I really wasn't sure how I was going to make it to Friday; on Wednesday night (was that really yesterday) while driving home from FIU after a 4 hour presentation, I couldn't remember the day before. There are still things left to do, but I've reached my point of not caring.
I'm over that stupid place, and just want to finally be enrolled in the program so that we can start negotiating. They desperately need people in the Urban Master's school, and if they're not all of a sudden super fucking nice to me, I'm going to tell everyone from the '05 Corps exactly how we've been treated: with patronizing condescention, broken promises, rude administration, unflexible and inconvenient schedules, and overpriced tuition. Yeah, that should get the enrollment you need, you bastards.
Finals week is hell normally, and when you haven't got a car, have to commute 1.5 hours to class, and work a 60 hour a week job at the same time, that doesn't make it any easier. I was in Broward County at 10:45 on Tuesday night, got up at the usual 5:30 to go to work all day Wednesday, sit through a ridiculously childish faculty meeting with some confrontational angry bitch who marched in and told everybody that we had to change our curriculum for a BLACK URBAN SCHOOL to include a UNIT on the Holocaust before the end of the year because black kids need to learn about racial persecution. Excuse me? What didn't help was when the "adult" teachers started catfighting with her and she showed us a clip of that god-awful HBO documentary with Kenneth Branaugh and Colin Firth as an "exemplary lesson" for our students. She "knew" they'd identify with that. Could we be a little further out of touch with reality?
Mary and I then drove to FIU, missed getting my car by 15 minutes because 826 was a parking lot, and then sat in a room from 7:00 pm to 11:30 listening to TESOL education presentations. They weren't bad, but the class has been all semester, and I'm sorry if 4.5 hours of sleep isn't *quite* enough to get me through an 8 hour teaching day with 90 students. Did I mention that both residents of apt. 2 have lost their voices? Yeah. Fun to tell kids to stop running out of the hallway and calling each other "dirty haitians" with no voice.
Then, in the midst of trying to orchestrate another logistical feat to somehow, someway get me down to SW Miami and pick up my car (pay and arm and a leg for my car) , and be able to transport myself again in the city of traffic jams and inept drivers ASIDE: I was informed by my sagacious roommate that the Florida legislature recently passed a law requiring slower-moving traffic to move to the right hand lanes on interstate highways. Are you *kidding*? And people wonder why nothing gets accomplished in the government around here. It's because they don't have time to spend on trivial issues like education and election fraud, when they're so busy taking care of keeping our roadways safe., when I had to pack up and head off to my depostion at the Juvenile Justice Center.
If ever I thought that there was some sort of cosmic order, and that karma evened out things in life, this week as most thoroughly disabused me of that idea.
I'm really to exhaused to get into it, and it's probably not safe for me to say anything in even a quasi-public forum, but let it suffice to say that I find it disconcerting that school employees can give partially falsified statements to court officials, and that I find it *very* hard to believe (as apparently, MY testimony was hard to belive) that "nice, respectful girls" 1. attack teachers, 2. hang around teachers' rooms whom they have attacked after they have been expelled from school, or 3. say blatantly untrue things like "my teacher hit me" when security drags them into the police officer's room for the first time. Maybe it's just my skewed perspective on things, and I should be a little more open to "alternate views" of Februrary 5th. Please excuse my cynicism.
So now do I not only think that my school administration, security, and half the faculty is out to get me fired, but hey, there's not a goddamnn thing I can do about it because the justice system is fucked too. It's like some kid told a rumor, and because she's the cool one at school, everyone believes her instead.
I can be mean, I can be hurtful, and I can assume things without enough background information, but I take quite a bit of pride in the fact that I don't lie. Maybe that's just a childish thought.
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
Too Many Responsibilities
I just need a moment for the myriad of tasks which need to be accomplished by Friday afternoon.
-post paper 1 on internet
-create website for class 2
-presentation for class 2
-give quiz on odyssey
-fix car, which crapped out in the middle of I-95 Saturday afternoon
-pick up fixed car
-call parents about crapped-out car
-organize a soccer tournament on sunday (are you fucking kidding!?!?)
-buy candy for soccer players to sell
-buy groceries for me to eat
-pay cable bill
-go out for drinks with soccer team, who won the finals on Monday night. Was that last night? What day is it?
-check my FOURTEEN missed calls from psycho group member. I don't think I've gotten 14 calls in one day. Ever. There are barely 14 people's numbers in my phone.
-organize "exemplary school visits"
-give a deposition in court
-get a substitute for the time when i'm giving a deposition
-feed the cat
-feed myself. shit, did I buy food yet?
-lesson plans (ha! yeah, right. i'll just get fired)
-doctor's appointment
-get my voice back
-get over the flu for good
-read/post for class 2
-teach? is that what i do?
-sleep?
-call dave.
let's start from the bottom up =)
-post paper 1 on internet
-create website for class 2
-presentation for class 2
-give quiz on odyssey
-fix car, which crapped out in the middle of I-95 Saturday afternoon
-pick up fixed car
-call parents about crapped-out car
-organize a soccer tournament on sunday (are you fucking kidding!?!?)
-buy candy for soccer players to sell
-buy groceries for me to eat
-pay cable bill
-go out for drinks with soccer team, who won the finals on Monday night. Was that last night? What day is it?
-check my FOURTEEN missed calls from psycho group member. I don't think I've gotten 14 calls in one day. Ever. There are barely 14 people's numbers in my phone.
-organize "exemplary school visits"
-give a deposition in court
-get a substitute for the time when i'm giving a deposition
-feed the cat
-feed myself. shit, did I buy food yet?
-lesson plans (ha! yeah, right. i'll just get fired)
-doctor's appointment
-get my voice back
-get over the flu for good
-read/post for class 2
-teach? is that what i do?
-sleep?
-call dave.
let's start from the bottom up =)
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