Following the restorative mole session, I managed to drag myself to the Botanical gardens to check out the spring blooms. I missed Sakura Matsuri this year, which didn’t make me that sad since the festival is all about having people to share the cherry blossoms with, and I knew how if felt to be alone there. Some of my spring glitches still hadn’t been worked through yet.
Instead of slogging through the crowds feeling lonely, I went to the gardens after the height of the blooms, when I knew he peonies would be in full force while the crowds wouldn’t be. Unfortunately the Saturday I chose was one of very few rain-free weekend days and it was packed.
Following the advice of the Nerd Nite lecturer, I headed to the New York native plant garden to see what I would find there. There among the mulched mounds of New York ground cover were the tri-petaled golden wildflowers that had marked the onset of spring in Dublin. The noise of Flatbush Avenue, muffled by the earthen walls that surround the garden, faded out to allow the peepings and chatterings of robins and other hungry avians to drift through the warm air mottled with sunlight. Alone with my camera I wound through the unstructured paths. The flowers are harder to find on the winding paths back there, but it’s more fun having to make the effort.
I walked out of the iron gates at Empire Boulevard with a conspiratorial glance backwards at the tangled woods. Knowing I’d found some of its hidden flecks of gold and unfurling ferns nudged the corners of my mouth up in a smile.
With my internal power supply of positive thinking running at about 50%, I hunkered down for some long hours at the office that would allow me to escape to the beach for a much-needed rest.
My two goals for the weekend were as follows: eat crabs, preferably soft-shelled and lie on beach. I checked of goal number one the first night in town, serving up a trio of crispity crunchety perfect fried softshells bathed in a fluffy aioli totally worth the flight south. The next two days filled with sleep, sand, and a bit of southern sun acted as a giant reboot for my anxious psyche. I know the summer and its carcinogenic sun want to kill my fair Nordic outer shell, but there’s something wonderful about lying in the sand with closed eyes and letting your senses absorb the essence of the beach.
As M and I drove back up the Eastern Shore on Monday night, like Wall-E, I could hear the soothing “poooong” startup sound and see an accompanying glowing light resetting all my connections and smoothing my circuitry. Let’s hope its enough to last through June.
If, on a winter's night a traveler outside the town of Malbork, leaning from a steep slope without fear of wind or vertigo, looks down into the gathering shadow...on the carpet of leaves illuminated by the moon around an empty grave, what story there awaits its end? -italo calvino
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Monday, May 18, 2009
Mole del chile verde
After spending several weeks trying to get the boy I like to pay attention to me, I finally got hard-core rejected. Sucks, yeah, but not a surprise. I also conveniently know how to deal with it, being well-versed in self pity.
Oh, woe is me, yadda yadda, get on with it.
The first thing to do, obviously, is go to the movies. Unfortunately the only movie I wanted to see last weekend was Star Trek, which my friends were all going to see with their boyfriends on cute-nerdy-dates. A solo showing of the fantabulous film did indeed provide a welcome distraction, but it wasn’t quite enough.
Step two: listen to weepy music.
There’s an old Mexican song that I learned as a teenager, ridiculously sad like most ballads, and that’s probably why I like it. The narrator, singing to a mythical tragic figure “La Llorona” (the Weeping Woman) remarks:
Spicy, but delicious.
Spicy but tasty, that’s awesome. I’ve been feeling more amarga this week than picante, so it’s time to get back in touch with my inner chile verde.
Containing, among a dozen or so other ingredients, mole with chile verde is the perfect step three to “Amarga Reduction Strategy” currently in effect for Thea. I can’t eat mole in restaurants due to a rather strong peanut allergy; it’s damned hard to find a peanut-free mole unless you make it yourself. A perfectly acceptable solution to this problem is to make it en casa. Solita.
Mole is the sort of thing that you can’t just whip up. There are a ton of ingredients to be fried, ground, toasted, blended, simmered, seared and strained over the course of many hours. It fills the entire surrounding space with a warm spiciness that is inescapable. It swaths you in layers of spice and flavor as you negotiate the perfect balance of chiles, toasty nuts and tortillas and layered spices, tasting every once in a while as the flavors mellow and change.
The best thing to do is to turn the music up loud and just get started. Two Saturdays ago that’s exactly what I did after consulting the previous three or four recipes I continue to refine for traditional mole poblano, the dark reddish-brown wonderfulness common on menus everywhere. My standard version filled a nearly summery evening with activity and left me with several quarts of deliciousness to put in the freezer for later.
But apparently the standard version of Thea isn’t working. I’m trying to break out of the one-sided cyclical non-relationships that seem to be the only thing I know how to do.
Stardate: 2009.5.09. Leave movies and swing by WholeFoods for a kitchen resupply including lots of different spicy green things necessary for a different kind of mole. Work has been so crazy lately that the supplies sat in the fridge a whole week before I had an entire afternoon to myself for mole-making.
Today, after another disappointing weekend I woke up with a mission: I will make green mole, and it will be delicious. Rick Bayless provided the structure to the recipe, and the awesome dry goods guys from Sahadi’s the toasted and roasted nuts. A chilly wind blew through the grey clouds outside, but I cared not. I was busy blending golden raisins and sesame seeds, roasting tomatillos and concentrating on spice ratios. I didn’t check email or look at my phone all day. After the sun set it was finally time to finish the process and cook the final sauce. I haven’t made this particular mole before—I love the bittersweet red sauce so much that it’s hard to force myself to try something different, but I had high hopes.
Over the hottest burner on the stove went the heavy-duty dutch oven and a little oil. I impatiently held a bowl full of mint-colored puree above the heating oil, waiting for a drop to sizzle on contact so I could dump the whole thing into the fiery pot and turn into something delicious. Then, on my second try the green droplets popped and crackled with appropriate alacrity. Well, here it goes—all in!
The textured green mole sloshed into the bottom of the pot, sizzling as it covered the bottom completely. A few moments later, as gloppy bubbles appeared all around, a new smell filled the kitchen—a fresh tangy smell with an underlying toasty subtleness. It worked! As the mole cooked down and thickened into a glossy sauce, I tested the seasoning and was pleasantly surprised with the result. It doesn’t have the fiery heat or the bitter undertones of the classic mole, but still holds layers of intriguing flavors. The core flavor of roasted poblanos shines through, and the acidic tang of the tomatillo brings out the flavor of the green chile Instead of being hidden among other stronger flavors of red mole, the poblano is the star of the green mole.
Picante, pero sabroso, exactly like I wanted. If I could just duplicate that in my real life, then everything would be perfect. In the meantime, I will close out to Lila Down’s ode to mole and leave it at that.
Oh, woe is me, yadda yadda, get on with it.
The first thing to do, obviously, is go to the movies. Unfortunately the only movie I wanted to see last weekend was Star Trek, which my friends were all going to see with their boyfriends on cute-nerdy-dates. A solo showing of the fantabulous film did indeed provide a welcome distraction, but it wasn’t quite enough.
Step two: listen to weepy music.
There’s an old Mexican song that I learned as a teenager, ridiculously sad like most ballads, and that’s probably why I like it. The narrator, singing to a mythical tragic figure “La Llorona” (the Weeping Woman) remarks:
Yo soy como el chile verde, Llorona,I’m like the green chile, Llorona,
Picante pero sabroso.
Spicy, but delicious.
Spicy but tasty, that’s awesome. I’ve been feeling more amarga this week than picante, so it’s time to get back in touch with my inner chile verde.
Containing, among a dozen or so other ingredients, mole with chile verde is the perfect step three to “Amarga Reduction Strategy” currently in effect for Thea. I can’t eat mole in restaurants due to a rather strong peanut allergy; it’s damned hard to find a peanut-free mole unless you make it yourself. A perfectly acceptable solution to this problem is to make it en casa. Solita.
Mole is the sort of thing that you can’t just whip up. There are a ton of ingredients to be fried, ground, toasted, blended, simmered, seared and strained over the course of many hours. It fills the entire surrounding space with a warm spiciness that is inescapable. It swaths you in layers of spice and flavor as you negotiate the perfect balance of chiles, toasty nuts and tortillas and layered spices, tasting every once in a while as the flavors mellow and change.
The best thing to do is to turn the music up loud and just get started. Two Saturdays ago that’s exactly what I did after consulting the previous three or four recipes I continue to refine for traditional mole poblano, the dark reddish-brown wonderfulness common on menus everywhere. My standard version filled a nearly summery evening with activity and left me with several quarts of deliciousness to put in the freezer for later.
But apparently the standard version of Thea isn’t working. I’m trying to break out of the one-sided cyclical non-relationships that seem to be the only thing I know how to do.
Stardate: 2009.5.09. Leave movies and swing by WholeFoods for a kitchen resupply including lots of different spicy green things necessary for a different kind of mole. Work has been so crazy lately that the supplies sat in the fridge a whole week before I had an entire afternoon to myself for mole-making.
Today, after another disappointing weekend I woke up with a mission: I will make green mole, and it will be delicious. Rick Bayless provided the structure to the recipe, and the awesome dry goods guys from Sahadi’s the toasted and roasted nuts. A chilly wind blew through the grey clouds outside, but I cared not. I was busy blending golden raisins and sesame seeds, roasting tomatillos and concentrating on spice ratios. I didn’t check email or look at my phone all day. After the sun set it was finally time to finish the process and cook the final sauce. I haven’t made this particular mole before—I love the bittersweet red sauce so much that it’s hard to force myself to try something different, but I had high hopes.
Over the hottest burner on the stove went the heavy-duty dutch oven and a little oil. I impatiently held a bowl full of mint-colored puree above the heating oil, waiting for a drop to sizzle on contact so I could dump the whole thing into the fiery pot and turn into something delicious. Then, on my second try the green droplets popped and crackled with appropriate alacrity. Well, here it goes—all in!
The textured green mole sloshed into the bottom of the pot, sizzling as it covered the bottom completely. A few moments later, as gloppy bubbles appeared all around, a new smell filled the kitchen—a fresh tangy smell with an underlying toasty subtleness. It worked! As the mole cooked down and thickened into a glossy sauce, I tested the seasoning and was pleasantly surprised with the result. It doesn’t have the fiery heat or the bitter undertones of the classic mole, but still holds layers of intriguing flavors. The core flavor of roasted poblanos shines through, and the acidic tang of the tomatillo brings out the flavor of the green chile Instead of being hidden among other stronger flavors of red mole, the poblano is the star of the green mole.
Picante, pero sabroso, exactly like I wanted. If I could just duplicate that in my real life, then everything would be perfect. In the meantime, I will close out to Lila Down’s ode to mole and leave it at that.
A mi me gusta el mole, mi Soledad me va a moler.
Mi querida Soledad me va a guisar un molito.
Por el cielo de Montealban, de noche sueño contigo.
Monday, May 04, 2009
Am I a grownup yet?
My current reading material inspired a fit of literary identification on the subway that messed me up darned good. The following paragraph leaped out of Cold Mountain and slapped my normally introspective self back to its senses.
I was once a petulant pigtailed girl running around the playground kicking the shins of all the boys (including the one she liked), and I'm trying very hard to feel like I've progressed in the past few decades. It's not at all clear if I have. I've always been good at getting people to take a half step back (usually several whole steps), but that seems like a second grader's security blanket. What's worse, when I get people to step back, its usually compensating for the fact that I'm hurt they don't want to get closer. How ridiculous is that?
This weekend I mumbled incoherent expressions of fondness into a closing subway door, allowed my friends to steal my mobile phone for an afternoon and send embarrassing text messages, and did laps at a party around an old crush hoping to impress upon him his obvious need to regret having given me the brush off. One saving grace of the past 48 hours is that said classy adult-like cocktail party was a perfectly decent opportunity to take the Magical Black Dress out for another unsuccessful spin. Then again, perhaps my belief in its magical powers is one more childish fantasy.
What frustrates me about the expectations of dating nowadays is that everything hinges upon this supposed lightning-bolt flash of attraction that's supposed to occur when meeting someone new. It's all about the catchy profile picture, the perfect headline, the eye contact at the opposite end of the bar, the sideways glance on the subway. But nobody meets anyone on the subway, that's ludicrous.
I also am at a decided disadvantage due to my painful shyness in the presence of cute guys and utter inability to flirt. As one of my oldest friends put it delicately:
I shouldn't act so sanctimonious; I've been guilty of the "Oh definitely, we should do this again sometime" line, but I'd like to think that I've only used it sparingly when it was abundantly clear that "doing this again sometime" would be a wretched prospect for both parties.
In this perplexing and fascinating city I can most weeks manage to feed myself and my cat, battle my addiction to well-written television, get stuff done at work (and care about it), exercise a little and keep in touch with a few close friends. These seemingly trivial grown-up tasks require a surprising amount of effort.
Unlike every other fully-grown New Yorker don't work my social calendar from a BlackBerry (hell, like half the prepubescent ones too), hoard phone contacts and cold-call acquaintances on a whim. And I can't manage to find the headline that make people want to read the story on page A26. Or maybe I've just got the wrong headline, and they end up flipping through the damn paper for light subway reading only to find find a massive and meandering op-ed piece. I swear, it's a great story! Textured, witty--not flinty and pinched at all.
I wish I could just grow up and get over my stupid desire to hide and giggle behind the biggest tree on the playground when I run into someone I like, but I'm not quite sure how to do that.
In the meantime, I'm trying not to live my life in the sad, sad state of the January dogwood.
All in all, she suspected that her performance had been glib. Or flinty and pinched. None of which she really wanted to be. True, those manners had their uses. They excelled in causing people to take half a step back and give one breathing room. But she had fallen into them out of habit, and at the wrong time, and she regretted it. She feared that without some act of atonement they would take hold and harden within her and that one day she would find herself clenched tight as a dogwood bud in January.Shit. Flinty? Pinched? Breathing room? Somehow I've slipped closer than I'd realized to being that clichéd bitter single New Yorker never at a loss for a caustic comment about the dating scene.
I was once a petulant pigtailed girl running around the playground kicking the shins of all the boys (including the one she liked), and I'm trying very hard to feel like I've progressed in the past few decades. It's not at all clear if I have. I've always been good at getting people to take a half step back (usually several whole steps), but that seems like a second grader's security blanket. What's worse, when I get people to step back, its usually compensating for the fact that I'm hurt they don't want to get closer. How ridiculous is that?
This weekend I mumbled incoherent expressions of fondness into a closing subway door, allowed my friends to steal my mobile phone for an afternoon and send embarrassing text messages, and did laps at a party around an old crush hoping to impress upon him his obvious need to regret having given me the brush off. One saving grace of the past 48 hours is that said classy adult-like cocktail party was a perfectly decent opportunity to take the Magical Black Dress out for another unsuccessful spin. Then again, perhaps my belief in its magical powers is one more childish fantasy.
What frustrates me about the expectations of dating nowadays is that everything hinges upon this supposed lightning-bolt flash of attraction that's supposed to occur when meeting someone new. It's all about the catchy profile picture, the perfect headline, the eye contact at the opposite end of the bar, the sideways glance on the subway. But nobody meets anyone on the subway, that's ludicrous.
I also am at a decided disadvantage due to my painful shyness in the presence of cute guys and utter inability to flirt. As one of my oldest friends put it delicately:
Thea, you're awesome, but you really don't got game.I don't. And that's okay--I'm not interested in the game, the chase, or the hunt. What does interest me is the intricate process of getting to know someone, feeling comfortable enough to share my quirks and dreams, making an intellectual connection and having someone express genuine interest in me. Genuine feeling is highly underrated around here--there's a lot of play, playing the field, and in the immortal words of Cogsworth, promises you don't intend to keep.
I shouldn't act so sanctimonious; I've been guilty of the "Oh definitely, we should do this again sometime" line, but I'd like to think that I've only used it sparingly when it was abundantly clear that "doing this again sometime" would be a wretched prospect for both parties.
In this perplexing and fascinating city I can most weeks manage to feed myself and my cat, battle my addiction to well-written television, get stuff done at work (and care about it), exercise a little and keep in touch with a few close friends. These seemingly trivial grown-up tasks require a surprising amount of effort.
Unlike every other fully-grown New Yorker don't work my social calendar from a BlackBerry (hell, like half the prepubescent ones too), hoard phone contacts and cold-call acquaintances on a whim. And I can't manage to find the headline that make people want to read the story on page A26. Or maybe I've just got the wrong headline, and they end up flipping through the damn paper for light subway reading only to find find a massive and meandering op-ed piece. I swear, it's a great story! Textured, witty--not flinty and pinched at all.
I wish I could just grow up and get over my stupid desire to hide and giggle behind the biggest tree on the playground when I run into someone I like, but I'm not quite sure how to do that.
In the meantime, I'm trying not to live my life in the sad, sad state of the January dogwood.
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