I [heart] computer lab days.
Crawled in to work this morning after falling asleep this morning after I got dressed, opened the door seconds before the last bell rang, my head still pounding and feeling a little woozy. I think there's a virus going around school.
Dragged my ass to the office after first period and asked for a substitute, only to be told that there were no substitutes available. Oh, MDC-PS, how we love your efficiency. This is merely one of the myriad disappointments in the past week that make me count down the days till vacation, cross off boxes on a calendar, and wonder what the hell my purpose is here.
Apathy runs rampant in high school, and Miami seems to breed it like mosquito larvae. "If you don't complete the quiz, I can't give you a grade." "If you don't hand in the homework, you get a zero." As with pre-mayan mathematics, the concept of zero seems to be missing from these children's mental capacity. They think only in letters: A B C D F. Sigh.
I hated it in high school, and I hate it now: I truly do not understand a lot of my students, and at the moment I'm of a mind to think that this is hindering my teaching abilities. It's been a long week, and my time in the computer lab is almost over, so I've got to wrap this up.
I guess I'll be back 6th period.
If, on a winter's night a traveler outside the town of Malbork, leaning from a steep slope without fear of wind or vertigo, looks down into the gathering shadow...on the carpet of leaves illuminated by the moon around an empty grave, what story there awaits its end? -italo calvino
Thursday, October 28, 2004
Monday, October 25, 2004
Fall? More figurative than literal.
Living in a tropical (no, literally) climate, seeing the passage of time is different than it is in places where you can see the seasons change. It's hard to remind myself that time is indeed going by when I can still wear all of my summer clothes and go to the beach on the weekend. If it doesn't rain, that is. It doesn't feel like fall, mostly because apart from an innate desire to wear autumnal colors and eat pumpkin products, I haven't noticed much of a change.
That said, the past three weeks have been full of changes.
Dave was in town for a glorious ten days, and I took my first personal day to make a weekend vacation to the Keys. I'd never really been on "vacation" as an adult before, so that was cool, if a littl weird. The Florida Keys are a beautiful place, but odd. I couldn't live there. We went snorkeling at Pennekamp again, swam at Bahia Honda, and explored Marthon, key hopping each night. I felt so far away from school, and un-teacher-like.
Then, a slap in the face with reality when school started up: parents' night, uniform proposals, extended school day/year, and a mandatory staff "pep rally" the day after grades were due. I can now say, with a large self-suffering sigh that I have experienced the end fo a grading period at a large public high school. One quarter of the year is over. Late, late night filling in bubble sheets with grades, attendance, "comments," and mercilessly failing 54 students. At first I felt kind of harsh about it, then all qualms vanished upon reading a lovely little note to "Ms. Williamson and her stank self...smells like nut-ass." Thank you, children, that's why I feel no remorse.
That happiness culminated with the "Zone" meeting, where the school board officials told us that we'd be 1. working longer hours, 2. working more days of the year, 3. have mandatory saturday staff development, 3. "should try and make the Zone like the PeaceCorps" and 4. need to deal with the lack of resources and large class sizes on our own. Meanwhile, they somehow managed to find enough money to stage a full theatrical song and dance number (no, literally) about why kids should learn how to read. That's funny, I really thought teachers were the people who wanted kids to read. Clearly we need more convincing. There was also a budget surplus enough to purchase over 5,000 "School Improvement Zone" polo shirts for every staff member, technicians and custodians included. So they can buy me a lame-ass polo shirt, but they can't buy BOOKS for my reading class? I was a little perplexed at that.
But dwelling on such subjects makes me bitter, so let's move on. Enough with the amargura.
Reportcards. Oh wait, that doesn't get any better either. I never thought that teachers could hate report card day as much as students did. There was a mutiny (no, literally) in one class, and I had another student actually throw a balled-up report card at me. I was a little incredulous. A flurry of parent conferences have ensued.
Last week was eternal, and to make up for it I pampered myself this weekend. Bought new teacher clothes and painted shelves in preparation for the completion of my decorating scheme in the bedroom. Also, along with the roommates, picked out bedding (finally, the leopard sheets are getting retired), so that's on its way. I feel so *adult* sometimes; new linens really made me happy. I also got fitted for glasses today, which pleases me to no end, even though they won't be ready until next week.
Finally, to end on a positive note, I've confirmed my next jaunt to Philly, and have two glassblowing sessions at Hot Soup scheduled, which makes my freaking day. Saw a double rainbow over the beach on Sunday, and most of the girls on the soccer team really like me. Did I mention that I'm assistant coaching soccer and not getting paid for it? Yeah, I am.
Did I also mention that I started a Master's degree program? Yeah, well, did that too. Sigh. But that's another story for another day.
That said, the past three weeks have been full of changes.
Dave was in town for a glorious ten days, and I took my first personal day to make a weekend vacation to the Keys. I'd never really been on "vacation" as an adult before, so that was cool, if a littl weird. The Florida Keys are a beautiful place, but odd. I couldn't live there. We went snorkeling at Pennekamp again, swam at Bahia Honda, and explored Marthon, key hopping each night. I felt so far away from school, and un-teacher-like.
Then, a slap in the face with reality when school started up: parents' night, uniform proposals, extended school day/year, and a mandatory staff "pep rally" the day after grades were due. I can now say, with a large self-suffering sigh that I have experienced the end fo a grading period at a large public high school. One quarter of the year is over. Late, late night filling in bubble sheets with grades, attendance, "comments," and mercilessly failing 54 students. At first I felt kind of harsh about it, then all qualms vanished upon reading a lovely little note to "Ms. Williamson and her stank self...smells like nut-ass." Thank you, children, that's why I feel no remorse.
That happiness culminated with the "Zone" meeting, where the school board officials told us that we'd be 1. working longer hours, 2. working more days of the year, 3. have mandatory saturday staff development, 3. "should try and make the Zone like the PeaceCorps" and 4. need to deal with the lack of resources and large class sizes on our own. Meanwhile, they somehow managed to find enough money to stage a full theatrical song and dance number (no, literally) about why kids should learn how to read. That's funny, I really thought teachers were the people who wanted kids to read. Clearly we need more convincing. There was also a budget surplus enough to purchase over 5,000 "School Improvement Zone" polo shirts for every staff member, technicians and custodians included. So they can buy me a lame-ass polo shirt, but they can't buy BOOKS for my reading class? I was a little perplexed at that.
But dwelling on such subjects makes me bitter, so let's move on. Enough with the amargura.
Reportcards. Oh wait, that doesn't get any better either. I never thought that teachers could hate report card day as much as students did. There was a mutiny (no, literally) in one class, and I had another student actually throw a balled-up report card at me. I was a little incredulous. A flurry of parent conferences have ensued.
Last week was eternal, and to make up for it I pampered myself this weekend. Bought new teacher clothes and painted shelves in preparation for the completion of my decorating scheme in the bedroom. Also, along with the roommates, picked out bedding (finally, the leopard sheets are getting retired), so that's on its way. I feel so *adult* sometimes; new linens really made me happy. I also got fitted for glasses today, which pleases me to no end, even though they won't be ready until next week.
Finally, to end on a positive note, I've confirmed my next jaunt to Philly, and have two glassblowing sessions at Hot Soup scheduled, which makes my freaking day. Saw a double rainbow over the beach on Sunday, and most of the girls on the soccer team really like me. Did I mention that I'm assistant coaching soccer and not getting paid for it? Yeah, I am.
Did I also mention that I started a Master's degree program? Yeah, well, did that too. Sigh. But that's another story for another day.
Thursday, October 21, 2004
Hidden Somewhere...
among graduate courses, report cards, staff development, soccer practices, traffic, commuting, TFA meetings, conferences, parent phone calls, seating charts, lesson plans, copying, errands, and groceries is my life.
maybe i can find it there somewhere.
maybe i can find it there somewhere.
Sunday, October 03, 2004
Slippage
It's a Sunday night, 9:09 pm, and I've gotten a grand total of zero work done today. That's zero school related work done. I've been doing other sorts of work (i.e. errand running) all weekend long, and feel as though my time is slip-sliding away, true to the great Paul Simon song.
My (ex)roommate wrote one of her theses on slippage, and now it seems to be invading my life as well. True, hers was more concentrated on signs and signifiers, whereas mine exists on a temporal level. See: Wednesday afternoon.
I gave a colleague a ride home, the van slowly blundering over speed bumps in DPlace, thinking to myself "Wow, self, hump day is over! You only have two more days of school left this week." Then, after a 45 minute drive that should have taken 10-15, spending a *fortune* at kinkos because we have no copy machine at Central, grocery shopping, prescription filling, and a trip to Pier One to redeem a gift certificate, I felt so bitter that my evening had been robbed from me by Biscayne Boulevard traffic and necessary errands that the prospect of rising at 5:30 the next morning for school absolutely depressed me. I probably watched an episode of Alias to make myself feel better.
Scratch that, I watched TWO, because I printed out the other 120 pages worth of "A Scandal in Bohemia" on my own printer instead of being cowed by the price-gauging at Kinkos-FedEx. FedEx is officially on my shit list after the fiasco with my computer parts. I refuse to write about it, because I may become irate if I think about it too much.
In any case, what shocked me was the fact that mere hours before, the amalgam of time ThursdayFriday seemed easily surmountable; by the time I went to bed, it seemed like an eternity. On a good day, time passes in a regulated, normal fashion; on a bad day (which are maybe 4 out of 5), what should be an hour slides into 3, and what feels like 45 minutes shrinks into 5.
Then, we are presented with the concept of Neutral Time. This is when worries, schedules, and priorities are suspended. We shall henceforth classify Thursday as Neutral Time. 8 TFA-ers gathered in apt. 1 for a 90 minute, commercial free television broadcast of the history-making 2004 presidential debate at UM. There was much yelling, much laughter and scoffing (vociferous, he said vociferous; Poland?; WMD's, what that what we were looking for?), and even a bit of praise for the presidential-looking smirk of John Kerry. I felt excited about politics for the first time in ages.
We slip over to Neutral Time #2, see: Saturday.
Nearly an hour searching for the nebulous Ocean Bank to no avail, followed en seguida by my birthday pedicure (mmmm); soaking up rays on the beach; phone bank calling for the Florida Democratic Party..."there's a lot at stake this election year, and the Florida Democratic Party is working hard to make sure your vote counts"; DSW for very non-teacher shoes; shelving at Target; and finally a foray into the monstrosity of upper-class consumer culture known as Aventura Mall. There are 2 Gap's, two Abercrombies, and a caviar stand. Apple Computers got a little more of my paycheck, and then all of a sudden Saturdy was over.
All day I kept asking people what time it was, or checking my cell phone. Every time I was at least 2 hours off. The boy and I also slipped by each other, missing phone messages by 30 seconds or so, until 1:00 am when our conversation consisted mainly of me slipping slowly out of consciousness.
Sunday slid away while I painted and hung shelves, cleaned my entire room, swept the dust and litter from the floor, and attempted to sweep the copwebs from my brain. I'm not feeling really psyched about school lately, and I can think of about 80 reasons why, but I dont' really want to get into it.
What really gets to me is the feeling of tiredness that I can't seem to get rid of. This is compounded when I am contantly disrespected in my classroom, have no supplies or technical support, and don't really know how to solve any of these problems. I thought it would go away a little bit once I started reading things that I actually cared about, but that's pretty hard in my reading classes, and I haven't had the time nor the desire to really get into the Sherlock Holmes story.
I need to get with it, and I need to to it quickly.
Meanwhile, the cat sleeps on in a blissful oblivion, caring only that I want to cut his claws and wondering when he gets to eat next. I count the hours until I drive to Ft. Lauderdale to pick up the boy for fall break, and have to remember that I'm planning a personal day for next Monday. [guilty grin]. Lke I said, I guess it's time to get back to work. C'mon Thea, just a few more days.
My (ex)roommate wrote one of her theses on slippage, and now it seems to be invading my life as well. True, hers was more concentrated on signs and signifiers, whereas mine exists on a temporal level. See: Wednesday afternoon.
I gave a colleague a ride home, the van slowly blundering over speed bumps in DPlace, thinking to myself "Wow, self, hump day is over! You only have two more days of school left this week." Then, after a 45 minute drive that should have taken 10-15, spending a *fortune* at kinkos because we have no copy machine at Central, grocery shopping, prescription filling, and a trip to Pier One to redeem a gift certificate, I felt so bitter that my evening had been robbed from me by Biscayne Boulevard traffic and necessary errands that the prospect of rising at 5:30 the next morning for school absolutely depressed me. I probably watched an episode of Alias to make myself feel better.
Scratch that, I watched TWO, because I printed out the other 120 pages worth of "A Scandal in Bohemia" on my own printer instead of being cowed by the price-gauging at Kinkos-FedEx. FedEx is officially on my shit list after the fiasco with my computer parts. I refuse to write about it, because I may become irate if I think about it too much.
In any case, what shocked me was the fact that mere hours before, the amalgam of time ThursdayFriday seemed easily surmountable; by the time I went to bed, it seemed like an eternity. On a good day, time passes in a regulated, normal fashion; on a bad day (which are maybe 4 out of 5), what should be an hour slides into 3, and what feels like 45 minutes shrinks into 5.
Then, we are presented with the concept of Neutral Time. This is when worries, schedules, and priorities are suspended. We shall henceforth classify Thursday as Neutral Time. 8 TFA-ers gathered in apt. 1 for a 90 minute, commercial free television broadcast of the history-making 2004 presidential debate at UM. There was much yelling, much laughter and scoffing (vociferous, he said vociferous; Poland?; WMD's, what that what we were looking for?), and even a bit of praise for the presidential-looking smirk of John Kerry. I felt excited about politics for the first time in ages.
We slip over to Neutral Time #2, see: Saturday.
Nearly an hour searching for the nebulous Ocean Bank to no avail, followed en seguida by my birthday pedicure (mmmm); soaking up rays on the beach; phone bank calling for the Florida Democratic Party..."there's a lot at stake this election year, and the Florida Democratic Party is working hard to make sure your vote counts"; DSW for very non-teacher shoes; shelving at Target; and finally a foray into the monstrosity of upper-class consumer culture known as Aventura Mall. There are 2 Gap's, two Abercrombies, and a caviar stand. Apple Computers got a little more of my paycheck, and then all of a sudden Saturdy was over.
All day I kept asking people what time it was, or checking my cell phone. Every time I was at least 2 hours off. The boy and I also slipped by each other, missing phone messages by 30 seconds or so, until 1:00 am when our conversation consisted mainly of me slipping slowly out of consciousness.
Sunday slid away while I painted and hung shelves, cleaned my entire room, swept the dust and litter from the floor, and attempted to sweep the copwebs from my brain. I'm not feeling really psyched about school lately, and I can think of about 80 reasons why, but I dont' really want to get into it.
What really gets to me is the feeling of tiredness that I can't seem to get rid of. This is compounded when I am contantly disrespected in my classroom, have no supplies or technical support, and don't really know how to solve any of these problems. I thought it would go away a little bit once I started reading things that I actually cared about, but that's pretty hard in my reading classes, and I haven't had the time nor the desire to really get into the Sherlock Holmes story.
I need to get with it, and I need to to it quickly.
Meanwhile, the cat sleeps on in a blissful oblivion, caring only that I want to cut his claws and wondering when he gets to eat next. I count the hours until I drive to Ft. Lauderdale to pick up the boy for fall break, and have to remember that I'm planning a personal day for next Monday. [guilty grin]. Lke I said, I guess it's time to get back to work. C'mon Thea, just a few more days.
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